I remember assignments to read a book.  I would concentrate so hard on what I was reading and re-reading pages over and over to comprehend.  I still never could understand why I read one thing, but the teachers test, and discussions seemed like it was based on a different book all together.

As I began college, I felt I could learn much better in classes if I sat to the front and off to the left of the classroom.  I thought I was just quirky.  It worked, so I went with it.  In time I noticed that I don't hear well in my left ear but did not think too much about it.  Once I was married and lived with my husband and step kids my hearing loss was apparent.

I went to get my hearing checked and I had severe hearing loss with certain tones.  The hearing doctor asked me if I was fatigued all the time. I said yes.  He said that he can see me watching lips and concentrating very hard to hear.  He explained that this is very exhausting.   I was not aware of this.  He also asked me If I was in a band, military or spent time shooting guns.  I said no, none of them.
 He then explained that I have had this hearing loss as a kid, and this was why I had a hard time in school.  It was not my parent's divorce.

Back when I was in elementary school our hearing tests were performed by the school nurse. We all stood in line in the auditorium. We would take turns sitting at a table where we put big earmuff type things over our ears and raised our hands to the sounds we heard for about a minute, then it was off to the next kid.

I got my first pair of hearing aids in my 40's. It made a big difference.  I heard sounds I never heard before.  One story of a sound that makes others laugh when I share is the sound the blinker makes in a car.  I got into my car leaving the office with my hearing aids on and the first time I turned, I heard the blinker beeping.  I have not heard that since I was a kid.  I thought that only the old cars my parents had made blinker noises and that in the newer cars the blinkers made no noise.

When I got back to my studio to work with my clients, several of them told me I am speaking slower, and I am easier to understand. I was not saying "what" as much.

I wore them properly and daily as instructed for years.  I moved out of state and one day one hearing aid was falling apart, so I slowly stopped wearing them.  I went about 2 years without wearing them.  I did not think much about it.

I went to an event this year.  It was a group of 6 of us.  One of the women there was extremely rude to me when others were not around. I was blown away.  I took the teacher in private and told him that sometimes woman are not nice to me when I don't know them and asked him if he could please watch me there and let me know if there was something I was doing to make that happen.  I did not tell him what this woman had done.  By the end of the retreat the leader told me that I had a good speaking voice, but I speak to fast.  That has not been pointed out to me in a long time.  I told him when I wear my hearing aids, I was told I speak slower.

I respected what he said.   I then came home started wearing my hearing aids.  I went to a new hearing doctor since I now lived in a new state.  I asked the receptionist if we had a speech therapist in town that can help me speak slower.  She told me no, but I need my hearing rechecked and that it was probably time for new hearing aids.

I got my hearing checked.  This doctor was way more detailed in my losses than my first doctor.  I learned that they have new technology in the last two years.  My original hearing aids were good but could not give me the help I needed at the level I needed, but the new technology could.

I have 80% hearing loss in the middle to high pitch sounds in my right ear and almost 100% of the same sounds in my left ear.  My auditory nerve on the left is practically dead.  While testing the left ear he had to make sounds in the right ear to stimulate the brain to send messages to the left due to the nerve damage.

This doctor said he could tell by how I spoke that I had this since before I even learned to talk.  He was incredible in details to help me understand.

I have the hearing loss in the sounds where the critical speech cues take place.
The p, h, j, k t, f, s th sh, ch.  He explained I have not been hearing the s or sh sounds since I was a child and possible never.  I have done very well in life in making it work for me the best I can he explained.

People with hearing loss usually don't hear their own voices in their head clearly when they speak therefore causing speaking pitch to be to low or too high.  If we cannot hear specific letters as in my losses, we most likely don't speak those letters as well.  This leaves us possibly to sound like we are slurring as we speak.

 It is quite overwhelming to learn all of this as I look back and see all the struggles I had in my life.
I have found awareness in how others perceive and act to someone in my shoes.  It is not always friendly.

An example.  I was at a gathering in the time I was waiting for my new hearing aids to come in.  I had shared my story with a woman. She said this to me.  "If I did not know your story, I would not talk to you.  You talk too fast; therefore, I feel stupid and I makes me feel insecure” I went home crying.  I could not believe that my speaking fast could affect someone so harshly like that.  

I am extremely happy to have my new hearing aids.

My responses from many have been.  "you speak more clear" "you don't speak as fast" "you are easier to understand”” when you do not have your hearing aids on you slur your words."  A few even have said I'm not shouting as much.

I personally hear myself speaking differently in my head.
At times I get stuck pronouncing a word, as if I am learning to speak again with certain works.

I am hearing the world differently.  It is a fact that part of the brain was not working as much because I was not hearing specific sounds. My brain is adjusting.
 (more details on how that works in another blog post)

This has been life changing for me more so then with my first set of hearing aids.

I have been spending some time with my own experience as well as some extra studies on hearing loss in children and adults.

Children with hearing loss often have difficulty understanding and writing complex sentences.  They have difficulty understanding words with multiple meanings.  They comprehend and produce shorter and simpler sentences than children with normal hearing. 

This was me as a child and as an adult. When I studied in college and now in life it takes me a long time to gather and retain what I am studying.  I thought I was just slow.  I just worked with it.

This is new to me to now understand that hearing loss also plays a role in how I read and write.  It now makes so much sense. It does not make it easier, but giving the understanding around it, I am kinder to myself with the struggle.

Studies show from the earliest months of life, hearing is intimately tied to the development of language, reading, learning and social skills. This is taking into adult life.  This also is what happens with older adults that lose their hearing.  They start losing their cognitive skills.

I tell my older clients with hearing loss to get hearing aids. It will help them greatly.
As for those two women in my story who treated me poorly.  I took it very personal and it made me so sad at both events.

My cool doctor explained to me that there are still rude people in the world and don't take this on as my issue. If someone is uncomfortable with my speaking, it is their problem not mine.